This is a list of alternative tobacco warning messages. Compiled by me, but originally written by many distinguished smokers.
Smoking is bad for you:
Smoking kills but war's more effective
Enjoy: the last 10 years of your life are shit anyway!
Fuck it - I can't even spell emphysema
Fatal diseases cure boredom
Only 400 poisonous chemicals!
Lung transplant not included
100% of non-smokers die
Smoking: When killing your liver with booze is just not enough
Cancer's not so bad once you get used to it
Warning: Contains harmful chemicals. Yeah, right! So did Iraq!
Smoking damages your perm
Complaining about smoking is extremely dangerous- don't do it
Smoking is good for you:
Those aren't nicotine stains. My teeth are suntanned from smiling
If I didn't smoke I'd just punch puritans
Cigarettes: A drink's just too wet without one!
Tar 6mg, Nicotine 0.5mg, Carbon Monoxide 7mg, Satisfaction 86.5mg
Warning: Smoking kills hunger
Smoking cures constipation
Smoking seriously enhances your coffee breaks
Smoking: cheaper than crack
Smoking: the fine art of sucking and blowing
Smoking can help you give up nose-picking
Smoking cures awkward silences
Smoking: keeps you slim
I only smoke after sex. Would you like a cigarette?
Warning: Nagging gets on my nerves
Don't like passive smoking? Try the real thing then, it's much better!
No cigarettes were harmed in the making of this box
I smell because I smoke- what's your excuse?
Jehovah's Witnesses don't smoke. Don't risk looking like one
Protect Children: Smoke the first half for them
Protect Children: Buy them lights
Never give cigarettes to children - always sell them!
Smoking deters women with crying babies sitting near you
Smoking: Aiding miscarriages since the 1600’s
Smoking seriously decreases child abuse
Smoking might make you infertile, but who wants kids anyway?
Do not smoke near flammable children
Smoking when pregnant still makes you look fat
The 10 best are:
Smoking - still more acceptable in public than masturbation
Fags: They just confuse Americans
Marlboro Lights - They wouldn't sell if they didn't
Not Smoking? Well go and do it outside then
Cigarettes - keeping you safe in prison
Smoking - who said I can't commit?
Suitable for vegetarians
Passive Smoking is stealing. Buy your own.
I don't have time to count my sperm, thanks all the same
Smoking: preventing men falling asleep after sex since the 1600’s
And my (his) personal favourite is:
Smoking Seriously Shortens Your Cigarettes
PS.: A autora deste blog previne que o blog da ervilha contém posts eventualmente chocantes, vulgo (con)decorados com o, pelo que os navegadores mais púdicos que por aqui nadam, se não conseguem nadar no Mar Vermelho, nem tentem, são capazes de se afogarem!
A autora previne, igualmente, que, caso não consigam ler este Post Scriptum deverão consultar o oftalmologista!